Either you do believe in horoscope, zodiac signs and all of those shenanigans at The Sfag we got your back! Today we are approaching the "The Sfag weekly horoscope" coming out next week on Monday 25th 2024 and following us with new editions every week..
Aries
Starting off strong with our baby Aries ( that geminis rarely go along with..) we give them a 7.5/10.
This week, Aries, your fiery spirit is ignited by the dynamic alignment of Mars and Jupiter, fueling your ambitions and drive. Channel this energy into decisive action towards your goals. However, be mindful of impulsive tendencies, and remember to balance assertiveness with patience. Taurus
Going on with Taurus ( I had an ex and - aww he was very lovely but then cheated on me - obvi liars ) so for today's week we give them a 6.5/10..
For Taurus, Venus, your ruling planet, forms harmonious connections, enhancing your charisma and magnetism. This is an ideal time for nurturing relationships and indulging in sensual pleasures. Embrace creativity and explore new avenues for self-expression.
Gemini
Well, I would be a liar by saying I'm so happy for how life is going for my team ( ps: dear Geminis we slay anyway, we are just very delusional.. that's fine ) so I give us a 7/10.. we can do better.
Mercury, your ruling planet, embarks on a journey through dreamy Pisces, encouraging introspection and reflection. Dive deep into your subconscious mind and explore your inner world. Pay attention to intuition and allow it to guide you in making important decisions.
Cancer
Love the #CancerTeam to be honest.. they're lowkey funny and hopeful of getting something in life meanwhile they're pretty much a full caos of things they want to do but fail at turning into reality: 5/10.
Cancer, the lunar energies amplify your emotional depth and sensitivity. Take time for self-care and nurturing activities that replenish your soul. Trust your intuition in matters of the heart, and seek solace in the company of loved ones.
Leo
I was born at 7 months old but in facts I had to be a Leo - thanks god im a gemini - but till this day I don't really know if I should consider myself one.. maybe i'm living my life as a whole lie and that's fine. You go Leo Team you get a 8.5/10.
With the Sun illuminating your sector of social connections, Leo, embrace opportunities for collaboration and networking. Your natural leadership abilities shine bright, inspiring others with your vision and enthusiasm. Focus on building alliances that support your long-term goals.
Virgo
Now.. I could maybe talk about my ex best friend or about that guy I hooked up with who was on steroids.. - and since I know you all love the juicy contents... here we are - so Virgos are so full of themselves but can't even make someone have a proper orgasm.. like his d1ck was so so small.. but he was giant so that's ok.. 6/10.
Virgo, this week urges you to prioritize self-care and holistic well-being. Pay attention to your physical health, as well as your mental and emotional needs. Embrace mindfulness practices and find balance amidst life's demands.
Libra
Well good for you Libras.. I do not know anyone who is a Libra.. ( maybe my uncle? ) whatever.. based on the zodiac y'all are clearly liars with an
indecision disease get a CURE ASAP! 3.5/10.
With Venus, your ruling planet, igniting your sector of creativity and romance, Libra, indulge in activities that bring joy and pleasure. Embrace your artistic talents and explore new forms of expression. Open your heart to love and let your inner light shine.
Scorpio
I may have had an ex who was a scorpio but lucky for you I got one more occasion to talk about me - my ascendant is scorpio - so we definitely got the mind of a serial killer, manners of a witch and evil just like satan burning in hell.. nice deal 9/10.
Scorpio, transformative energies abound as Pluto, your ruling planet, triggers profound shifts in your life. Embrace change as an opportunity for growth and regeneration. Trust in your inner strength and resilience as you navigate life's twists and turns.
Sagittarius
My sweet-innocent-cute Nonna is a sagittarius, I share same apartment, same rooms and can clearly identify a Sagittarius when I see one, y'all are crazy, mentally unstable depending on the days but fucking funny lol so yeah 8.5/10!
Jupiter, your ruling planet, sparks optimism and expansion in your life, Sagittarius. Embrace new horizons and embrace opportunities for learning and adventure. Stay open-minded and curious as you explore the world around you.
Capricorn
My mom is a Capricorn, love her so much, so funny, so dedicated to people - sometimes way too much so maybe you should stop - and so entertaining.. 10/10.
For Capricorn, Saturn, your ruling planet, invites you to focus on long-term goals and responsibilities. Take practical steps towards your ambitions, and cultivate patience and perseverance. Trust in your ability to overcome obstacles and achieve success.
Aquarius
No Aquarius detected in my radar so for today y'all are actually safe.. - I hope you're gonna be saved by the weekly horoscope too - ugly b1tches - 9/10.
Aquarius, with Uranus shaking up your sector of innovation and change, embrace your unique vision and originality. Break free from conventions and explore unconventional ideas. Embrace your individuality and let your authentic self shine.
- yeah.. you're safe.. good for you -
Pisces
Last but not least - in reality to be factual you come last for everything you accomplish in your life, but I don't want to be mean so I love you - we got the Pisces that are like a torture machine mechanism who are able to hurt you in 3 seconds if they wanted to.. so yeah.. 9.5/10.
With Mercury traversing through your sign, Pisces, communication flows with ease, and your intuition is heightened. Trust your instincts and express yourself with clarity and compassion. Embrace opportunities for self-discovery and personal growth.
In conclusion, as we navigate the cosmic currents of the week ahead, may we harness the energies of the stars to illuminate our paths and guide us towards growth, fulfillment, and inner harmony. Embrace the wisdom of the universe, and may your journey be blessed with light and love.
At The Sfag today we are hopeful you are all gonna have an amazing week ( except for me, I gave up that thing years ago after my first heartbreak..) so definitely if you have reached till here.. trust me: YOU DO SFAG.
Dearly, Mike.
Ps: see u on Monday with new weekly horoscope, ill try to be nicer.